


The Lego Movie: The Arkenstone of Resistance

by hope91



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit - movies, The LEGO Movie (2014), The Lord of the RIngs - Movies
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Cinema Rewrite, Gigolas Week 2, Light-Hearted, M/M, On Hiatus, Some Silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2712650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope91/pseuds/hope91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gimli, an ordinary dwarf construction worker, thought to be the 'Special' in Glorfindel's prophecy, accidentally finds the legendary Arkenstone. He's recruited to join the Company of the Fellowship's Quest to Reclaim the Lonely Mountain and Return the King, Gandalf's long-winded plan to use the Arkenstone to destroy The Dark Lord's One Ring - the ring he uses to put everything in the universe into perfect order (and collect treasure, he really likes to collect treasure).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> 2014 Cinema Rewrite Prompt: The only movie I’ve seen this year is the Lego Movie, and I wrote this 'sort-of' screenplay-style.
> 
> Note: The Dark Lord in this story isn’t Sauron, it’s Thorin - Thorin as Lord Business. (all of the other characters will be hobbit/lotr characters, except Lego Batman - I love Lego Batman, especially the one in the videogames).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lego pictures are designed/photographed by my seven year old (with my help). The picture idea was inspired by the askgigolas tumblr blog (and telemachus - thank you for telling me about it).

Camera pans the inside of the all-lego Lonely Mountain. We see dwarves mining, collecting more & more & more treasure - lego gold bricks and lego coins and lego gemstones.

GALADRIEL’S VOICE: It all began when THROR found the ONE RING. For dwarves are miners and can be overcome by gold-lust, and they delve deeper and deeper when they find treasures. SMAUG watched the dwarves in secret, waiting for a time to strike, for he wanted the ring just as much as they did. And then one day, he had his chance, and he attacked.

(Outside the Lonely Mountain, the camera follows the path of lego SMAUG as he streaks towards the Lonely Mountain. Destruction is wrought in his path.)

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=34h6vip)

GALADRIEL’S VOICE: And there they stayed, SMAUG and the ONE RING. A few brave souls tried to capture the Ring back, for it held secret powers that could overcome the other rings of THE DARK LORD, who wanted order in all things. But none succeeded, and history became legend, and legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the One Ring passed out of all knowledge.

CAMERA PANS TO NEW LOCATION: THE LAVA FIELDS OUTSIDE MOUNT DOOM, MADE ENTIRELY OF LEGOS. The camera pans across the hot lava made of legos, up a long lego stairway similar to the bridge of Khazad-Dum. We see LEGO GANDALF, FRODO BAGGINS, SAM GAMGEE, and GLORFINDEL as they reach a hidden door to a secret cavern inside Mount Doom. The door is hidden, like the one outside Moria. Gandalf puts up a hand for them to stop. He speaks the password, and door's runes and other engraving glows like the one outside Moria.

A dark passageway opens, and Sam speaks words to a phial to bring forth the LIGHT OF EARENDIL.

They eventually enter a tomb.

In the center is a GOLDEN STATUE OF DURIN guarded by statues of the VALAR.

Next we see GANDALF, the grey wizard putting his staff in front of his body in preparation to fight, motioning to the others to ready themselves.

GANDALF: He is coming!

Enter THE DARK LORD, who looks like LORD BUSINESS with THORIN OAKENSHIELD’s face.

THE DARK LORD: Ah hah hah hah. Gandalf! Glorfindel!  Who are your little hobbit friends?

GANDALF speaks: The Dark Lord! I should’ve known. These gentle hobbits are Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins, certainly _not_ at your service.

DARK LORD: Hey Gandalf. Uch. Who built this place? Must have been a bunch of lazy wizards, sitting around a table agreeing with each other.

GANDALF: It was built by the ancient Numenoreans! With more wisdom and artistry than you can ever know.

DARK LORD begins to rise on his expanding legs: You've hidden the ONE RING well!

SAM: That belongs to the Maker! It must be protected!

DARK LORD: What a lame thing to say! You’re standing before the most powerful object in the world and you don’t want to use it? You’re a nerd, Samwise Gamgee. Archers! Destroy them!

The DARK LORD motions and his MIRKWOOD ARCHERS enter the cavern and prepare to attack.

GANDALF: Your archers are no match for master builders.

GANDALF, FRODO, SAM, AND GLORFINDEL begin building small giant eagles and fling them at THE DARK LORD and his ARCHERS.

THE DARK LORD sends a stream of red magic through ORCRIST and blinds GANDALF, FRODO, SAM, AND GLORFINDEL.  GLORFINDEL bears the brunt of the blast. Then the DARK LORD walks toward the GOLDEN STATUE OF DURIN. He has trouble opening it, but eventually figures out the password. A white-hot glow is seen. He holds the ONE RING in his hand, while GANDALF, FRODO, AND SAM awaken and begin to stand up again. 

THE DARK LORD: Aha! The One Ring! Ah hah hah hah! Now my power will be unlimited!  Nothing's going to stop me now!

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=ra4113)

He puts the ONE RING back into the GOLDEN STATUE OF DURIN and starts to leave with his ARCHERS and the STATUE. GANDALF, SAM, and FRODO try to stop him, but he blinds them again with another stream of red magic from ORCRIST. He begins to walk out of the cavern, his MIRKWOOD ARCHERS carrying the golden statue of Durin.

GLORFINDEL awakens.  From the floor he calls THE DARK LORD back.

GLORFINDEL: You are forgetting the prophecy - about the ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE!

THE DARK LORD, sarcastically: Oh yes, the supposed piece of resistance.  Somehow that will disarm the One Ring - my ring! It's mine now, mine!  Give me a break about your silly prophecy!

GLORFINDEL's body glows white, and the light blinds THE DARK LORD. GLORFINDEL speaks his prophecy: One day, a talented lass or fellow, a special one with hair of red and face of yellow, this special one will take the Arkenstone from it's hidden refuge and with a noble army at his or her helm will thwart your evil plans.

THE DARK LORD: Oh wow, that was a great thing that you just made up!

THE DARK LORD kicks GLORFINDEL into the depths of Mount Doom.

BOOM!! The entire volcano shakes, and THE DARK LORD begins walking out of the cavern again.

DARK LORD: _Rasup gamat_ , Dr. Grey. That’s Khuzdul for _ciao_.

As the golden statue of Durin exits Mount Doom, the sides of the cavern shake. Mount Doom is CRUMBLING.

GANDALF, SAM, AND FRODO use the falling pieces of the mountain to build themselves a Giant Eagle and fly away.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2lbm6ax)

SAM: But what about GLORFINDEL?

GANDALF: He'll find a way out. He always does. Now, let's go find something to eat, because I know you're hungry.

Camera pans BAG END. BOFUR, BOMBUR, BALIN, AND DWALIN are already there, eating. FRODO shrugs, and he and SAM sit down with them. An hour later, SAM AND FRODO serve a second meal - but the DWARVES are too full to eat again. GANDALF is smoking his pipe. GLORFINDEL enters the room, disheveled and covered with soot.

GANDALF: You're late.

GLORFINDEL: I had to fight another Balrog. But I found this elf when I left, fighting Shelob's spiders. He wants to help us.

LEGOLAS steps out from behind GLORFINDEL. Unlike GLORFINDEL, his hair is perfect.

  
[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2j67rch)

LEGOLAS: I defected from the Dark Lord's army of Mirkwood Archers. I will help you find the SPECIAL. 

GANDALF nods slowly and then speaks, still puffing his pipe: And you will fight by his or her side?

LEGOLAS nods: Yes, side by side, like I would with a friend.

CAMERA PANS MAIN TITLE, BUILT OUT OF LEGOS: “THE LEGO MOVIE: THE ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE”


	2. An ordinary dwarf and his not-so-ordinary day....

Many years later, camera shows GIMLI, asleep in his DWARF CAVERN, dreaming of SAVING THE WORLD. His alarm goes off. He rubs his eyes and gets out of bed.

GIMLI walks over to his stone LEGO BOOKSHELF containing various LEGO INSTRUCTIONS. He pulls out various booklets, and looks briefly at them as he tosses them on the floor. One of them is HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN ELF.

He opens the HOW TO GET READY FOR WORK booklet and says the instructions out loud as he follows them: Step 1, always follow the instructions.

Camera then shows GIMLI in shower with LEGO WATER and SOAP: Step 2, keep soap out of your eyes.

GIMLI is then shown brushing is hair: Step 3, braid your hair. Step 4, braid your beard.

He walks over to his closet and looks at his outfits, all hanging in color-coded perfect order: Step 5, get dressed.

GIMLI looks wistful when he goes through the ARMORED SHIRTS part of his closet. He ends up putting on his orange and blue construction dwarf shirt. He picks out his favorite CONSTRUCTION HELM to wear.

Next we see him sitting on his couch, eating while watching television: Step 6, Eat a complete breakfast with the special people in your life. Hi, pet rock.

He kisses the piece of stone. He’s decorated it so it looks like it has a face, and he's glued yarn on the bottom so it has a beard.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=334839d)

On the TV, he laughs at his favorite TV show, WHERE’S MY BEARD, in which the main character is always losing his LEGO BEARD. Then the show cuts to a commercial, THE DARK LORD talking at a podium in a party atmosphere, surrounded by ADULT and KID HOBBITS, DWARVES, HUMANS, AND ELVES with lots of BALLOONS and a huge LEMBAS-CAKE, and in the sky FIREWORKS: Get ready for Rings and Things Tuesday! On Tuesday, every rule-following citizen gets a free ring!

THE DARK LORD then whispers under his breath: And you’ll give all your treasure to me and do everything else I say!

GIMLI wonders if he heard the whispering correctly, but then shrugs it off, because then the commercial shows the DWARVES and ELVES and HUMANS and HOBBITS showing their various different rings to the camera, and he really likes the ones the dwarves are 'modeling.' He's excited to get one for himself. Then he goes OUTSIDE, because it's time to go to work.

The camera pans GIMLI’S STREET, made of LEGO HOBBIT HOLES and LEGO ELF TALANS IN LEGO TREES and HUMAN LEGO HOUSES and DWARF LEGO CAVES/SMALL MOUNTAINS. Everyone is OBEDIENT, all of the DWARVES, HOBBITS, ELVES, and HUMANS.

GIMLI says HELLO, AT YOUR SERVICE to the ones he knows, mostly DWARVES AND HOBBITS. He stares at GALADRIEL as she walks by and he accidentally bumps into a LEGO LAMP-POST. 

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2iu9axl)

GIMLI gets into his PLAIN LEGO CAR, resuming his instructions: Step 7, obey all traffic signs. Step 8, enjoy popular music.

He turns on the RADIO in his car as he drives, and it’s playing a fast-paced version of OVER THE MISTY MOUNTAINS COLD, lyrics rewritten by THE DARK LORD.

GIMLI: I love this song!

Camera pans the city and shows GIMLI driving his plain lego car as he sings along to the song.

Camera pans a BILLBOARD with SAURON’S EYE and the phrase I’VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU, the symbol of THE DARK LORD’S CORPORATION.

GIMLI works all day with the other CONSTRUCTION DWARVES, and they SING various songs while they work. They don’t whistle. At the end of the day, they leave, but he forgets his AXE, so he goes back to get it.

GIMLI spots LEGOLAS nearby.  LEGOLAS is standing gracefully on top of a PILE OF LEGOS beside a big HOLE IN THE GROUND, in front of LEGO WEATHERTOP, which THE DARK LORD has placed on his DEMOLITION SCHEDULE.

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=4zuszn)  


LEGOLAS sees GIMLI and JUMPS EFFORTLESSLY into the HOLE. GIMLI calls after him, feeling badly: Master Elf, I didn’t mean to scare you!

GIMLI trips and falls into the HOLE, tossed around a series of tunnels that go steadily deeper into the ground, almost like a ping-pong ball.

He hits the ground, dazed: I thought nobody tosses a dwarf!

Then he sees the ARKENSTONE in a pile of lego bricks. It speaks to him, and says: Touch the PIECE.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=r0cief)

As GIMLI touches the ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE, parts of GLORFINDEL’S PROPHECY are replayed, almost nonsensically.

Then all goes BLACK. We see BAD COP – GOLLUM - capturing GIMLI, still unconscious, and taking him to the STATION. GOOD COP – SMEAGOL – pats GIMLI’S head and takes care of him on the ride over. BAD COP is annoyed at GOOD COP for being so nice to GIMLI, and tells him he’ll let him eat a PIECE OF FISH in the car this one time if he stops it. SMEAGOL has a bit of trouble deciding, but he's hungry, so he takes the fish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture(s) designed/taken by my seven year old, and inspired by the askgigolas blog...


	3. Chapter 3

SCREEN is dark. CAMERA view is from GIMLI’S perspective - as he hears a gentle “Wake up!” he slowly blinks his eyes and sees a light shining in his face. It’s held by SMEAGOL, who kindly offers him some fish for dinner. GIMLI politely refuses.

CAMERA pans back to show GOLLUM standing over GIMLI, quite annoyed at SMEAGOL. He makes GIMLI sit in a chair at a table and gets straight to the point: How did you find the ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE?

GIMLI: The ARKENSTONE of what? Where am I? What’s happening?

GOLLUM gets frustrated and kicks various things around the room: The ARKENSTONE! Tell me about the ARKENSTONE!

GIMLI shakes his head, completely confused: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

GOLLUM mockingly repeats his words in a high tone: _I don’t know what you’re_ ….Playing dumb, MASTER BUILDER?!

GIMLI still doesn't understand: No, I... _master builder_?

GOLLUM clears his throat and it sounds like he's saying his name: _Gollum! Gollum!_ Oh, so you’re going to tell me you don’t know anything about GLORFINDEL’s PROPHECY? Or about how you're the SPECIAL? You’re a liar!

GIMLI: No, no!

GOLLUM: Do I need to ask you the question in a riddle? Fine! What does something blue and precious call home?

GIMLI doesn’t answer fast enough, so GOLLUM starts kicking things around the room again while showing off what GIMLI thinks must be martial arts moves.

GIMLI tries to change the subject, trying to calm GOLLUM down: Look, I watch a lot of cop shows on tv, where’s the good cop?

GOLLUM sneers: Stop trying to change the subject! Solve the riddle!

GIMLI tries to answer: Uh, a river?

GOLLUM moves back to the table and leans forward across it, slamming his fists down: Wrong answer! No more games! You were found with the ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE. Why is it permanently stuck to your back?!

GIMLI still has no idea what GOLLUM is talking about, and shakes his head with wide eyes: I don’t know!

SMEAGOL, sympathetically: I believe you!

GOLLUM: Hah! Sucker! Look at his back!

GIMLI wants to see as well, and turns his head, but sees nothing.

GOLLUM jumps onto the table and moves GIMLI’s hair out of the way (it takes awhile, he has a lot of hair): You can’t lie to me! It’s under all of these braids!

SMEAGOL: Nice beads, though. And how do you keep it so well-conditioned?

GIMLI gets distracted and doesn't look at his back: Well, every morning I...

GOLLUM: SMEAGOL! Stop trying to be friends with him! He’s tricksy! _I don’t know how that got there!_ See the quotation marks I’m making with my hands when I say that?

SMEAGOL, trying to be helpful, says gently: Look, Mr. Gimli, I’m not sure if you’ve seen the commercials, but on Rings and Things Tuesday the DARK LORD is going to give everyone RINGS as presents and then he’ll use the ONE RING to control everything perfectly and take everyone’s treasure, but if you have the ARKENSTONE OF RESISTANCE, then his plan won’t work and we don’t want him to be unhappy and…

GOLLUM, frustrated: Smeagol! Be quiet!

GIMLI, completely perplexed: This is a misunderstanding! I’m just a normal dwarf, with a normal construction job!

GOLLUM jumps even closer to GIMLI and makes him feel even more nervous (as well as a bit sick to his stomach, since his breath smells like sardines and tuna): We wants it, we needs it! We’ll takes it, the ARKENSTONE! Now gives it to us!!!

GOLLUM sits down, calming his heavy breathing and composing himself: Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. Now, hand it over.

GIMLI realizes that he still hasn’t looked at his back, so he does, and when he sees the ARKENSTONE stuck there he freaks out, jumping all over the room: Get it off of me! Ahhhh! It’s chasing me!

SMEAGOL calms GIMLI down and sits at the table again: Look, I’m not special. I’m just an ordinary dwarf!

GOLLUM sighs: Ordinary dwarf - it’s the perfect cover. I can't break him - ARCHERS, take him to a cell in the DUNGEON LEVEL!

SMEAGOL places a kind hand on his shoulder: Don’t worry, you won’t be there long, GOLLUM will take you on a nice tour of the MELTING CHAMBER!

A voice is heard on the INTERCOM: GOLLUM, the DARK LORD is on line number 2.

GOLLUM takes the phone call while the DARK LORD’S MIRKWOOD ARCHERS lock up GIMLI.

When a BLOND ARCHER shows up a short time later, GIMLI stands firm:  Never thought I'd be taken to a melting chamber by an elf!

LEGOLAS looks puzzled: How about taken away from it by a friend? You’ll come with me if you don’t want to die!

SMEAGOL walks into the DUNGEON LEVEL, friendly as ever: Hi everybody, time for the melting chamber!

He sees LEGOLAS and GIMLI escaping, and gets nervous: Oh no! Don’t leave! GOLLUM will get angry!

LEGOLAS knocks him out, and they escape through the building, LEGOLAS defeating everyone in his path with his superb archery skills.  They end up in an ALLEYWAY.

LEGOLAS puts his hand over his heart: We have waited for you for so long!

GIMLI: Uh, shouldn't we get out of here?

LEGOLAS spots a big pile of lego bricks: Oh sir, you're brilliant, we’ll build a motorcycle!

He builds it rapidly and soon they speed off, LEGOLAS driving and GIMLI holding on for dear life.

GIMLI, trying to get his mind off his fear: Hey, I didn't catch your name or anything.

LEGOLAS laughs: This ordinary dwarf cover is brilliant! You can drop the act with me. We need to meet up with GANDALF and tell him that you found the ARKENSTONE!

GIMLI is still completely confused: Just tell me what’s happening!

LEGOLAS: Silly! You’re the SPECIAL, the one that GLORFINDEL’s PROPHECY spoke of. You’re the most talented person in the universe.

GIMLI stares at LEGOLAS, unable to concentrate. He thinks he’s even more beautiful than GALADRIEL.

LEGOLAS yells, interrupting his thoughts: GIMLI! They’re following us! You drive!

GIMLI takes over driving while LEGOLAS stands on the back of the motorcycle and shoots arrows rapid-fire at GOLLUM in his POLICE CRUISER and the other pursuers. The chase winds quickly through the streets, GIMLI narrowly avoiding crashing several times, sometimes driving over GRASS and SIDEWALKS.

LEGOLAS is impressed with GIMLI’s driving, not knowing it’s mostly good luck: You’re even more talented than the prophecy said you would be! I’m Legolas, by the way.

They've evaded their pursuers for at least a few moments, and LEGOLAS takes over driving again. They head for a SECRET TUNNEL that has the DARK LORD’S banner across the top – it says YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

LEGOLAS speaks the password – MELLON – and they pass through the tunnel before any of their pursuers see them do so.

The police cars all crash. GOLLUM is mad and kicks things around again. For now, he’s foiled. But not for long, he vows: _Gollum! Gollum!_ It's gone, gone, gone, but we'll gets it back!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lego pictures are designed/photographed by my seven year old (with my help) and inspired by the askgigolas blog, which I highly recommend visiting!


End file.
